Pressing Start on a New Adventure

Nov 09: A nice, chill beat is keeping time with a smooth, flowing melody, their shared musical dynamic pouring through my ears. It’s a perfect soundtrack to match the peaceful vibe of the little pocket of paradise I’m currently residing in. The five dogs who make their home here are all conked out at different parts of the property, and I can only assume the cat, who I catch just the briefest glimpses of, is in a similar state. Looking out through the palm trees and other tropical foliage, the sky paints an overcast coverage, as if to suggest it too just wants to take it easy for the moment.

It’s within this current arrangement of my freshly found environment that I have decided to start this blog. For now I simply intended it as a way to organize my thoughts and feelings in relation to my currently undertaken adventure through Costa Rica, but eventually I mean to weave all manner of my mental maneuverings and creative contemplations throughout.

You see, I really enjoy writing, both in the imaginative, narrative sense and as a way to work through my own inner experiences. And while doing so for my own enjoyment is certainly motivation enough for me, I figure why not share what I write with those that might find it interesting to read. So here I am, during this relaxed, low key moment in Costa Rica, doing just that.

In a sense, the initial evolutionary stage of this potentially (hopefully) ongoing, long term project was as a journal; effectively me talking to myself so I had some outlet for reliable, consistent communicating. Due to my own mental laziness, my capacity to speak Spanish is borderline non-existent outside the odd needed or common word, despite having spent plenty of time in both Mexico and Guatemala. I enjoy the act and art of communicating, so being in an environment where that is extremely strained by linguistic barriers is certainly something of a challenge. Not just in the practical sense of getting around or simply staying alive, but on an emotional level as well. It can feel very lonely and isolating sometimes not being able to communicate with those around you on even the most basic level.

Those kinds of feelings tend to follow me around like an unwelcome lifeforce leech even on my own English speaking home turf, so you can bet they get amplified in places like this. Any time I throw myself into situations where communication is a rocky, steeply inclined battle, a part of my mind very loudly interrogates the rest of my mental council on just what the hell we’re doing in a place like that in the first place. In a weird way, it almost kind of hurts not being able to speak. But I suppose embracing uncomfortable challenges and exploring one’s various edges is part of growth and expansion, and perhaps a wiser part of that mental council knows it’s to the benefit of the greater whole that is my being to do these sorts of things.

By putting oneself into situations where your weak or vulnerable points are out in the open with no option of running or hiding from them gives you an opportunity to really get to know them. To feel a fuller extent of the ways in which they affect you. It’s so much easier to orient one’s life in such a way where you don’t ever truly feel into those challenging or painful parts of yourself, and then there’s never an opportunity to potentially transmute them. Fear remains wherever attention refuses to tread. The mold of mental disorder grows in the darkness of avoidance, and it is only through courageous acts of shining the light of conscious consideration into those neglected zones that wholeness and healing can do their thing.

Okay, so that’s kind of dramatizing all of this somewhat, but in certain moments those inner challenges can make the self feel pretty damn dramatic. I had some of that flaring up during my journey to the particular paradisaical placement I’m penning this out in. Trying to make my way here using the bus system of Costa Rica lead to a few mistakes in planning, and since I had no way of accurately explaining myself to any of the very non-English speaking locals, I couldn’t ask anyone for help. That more dramatic part of my mind was very much ready to call it quits on this whole travelling endeavor just out of pure frustration with being unable to voice myself in an understandable way, and potentially getting myself stranded out in the middle of nowhere as a result (in the rain no less). Ultimately, thankfully, through the help of a few lovely older ladies that managed to pierce through my Spanishless speech (seriously, thank you forces of the universe for guiding those angels to me), I caught the last bus that lead me to my end goal.

It was during that bus ride that the initial thought of journal writing evolved into its more expansive expression of blog posting. Thus another challenge was concocted by my mental council: share those things you would have recorded in journal form with the online realm and allow others to engage. I tend to be fairly guarded with my inner experiences, sharing them only with those who have proven to parse my particular puzzles of trustworthiness, and the various story beats as to why that is will be weaved throughout this ongoing narrative. But for now, I’m going to bring this first post to a close. There’s a jungle in my backyard to explore, and I’m itching to check it out. To anyone out there who actually read this, know that you are appreciated and that I hope you have yourself a very nice day.