Dec 24: Today is my last day in Costa Rica. I would like to write out some of my thoughts and feelings regarding this whole experience while I’m still immersed in it, but I’m not sure how clearly I’ll manage to channel that into words. I’m pretty wiped out right now.
Let me set up a bit of context here. It’s a moderately drawn-out journey from where I was, San Isidro, to where the airport is, Alujuala, so by the time I was finally off the bus, it was fairly dark. Rainy too, just to make it even more “atmospheric.” I had a short walk to the Airbnb I had booked, and obviously I was moving at rather rapid pace to minimized how much me and my (too much) stuff got wet. That lack of light coupled with my full throttled, forward focused efforts meant that I did not see the big ass hole waiting for me right in the middle of the sidewalk. Before I knew it I was suddenly belly deep in the ground and my left leg was vibrating with some very unpleasant sensations.
Thankfully nothing was broken, either in body or possessions. Kind of a miracle considering how deep that hole was, how fast I was moving, and how much added weight I had strapped to me. But like I said, my left leg was clearly in rough shape.
I limped my way to the Airbnb, and as soon as I got to where my bod was slathered in illumination I could see I was bleeding pretty badly. I dragged myself up the steps to my suite, went inside, turned on the light and checked out the damage. It was not a pretty sight. A relatively large chunk of flesh in my shin was disturbingly absent. I went into a kind of detached work mode, cleaning it as best as I could and covering the hole up, then limped my way to a nearby Wal Mart to snatch a first aid kit. Once I got back I more thoroughly cleaned and redressed the wound.
By the end of all that, the adrenaline subsided and the pain kicked in. It was not a pleasant night, let me tell you. I had to be very careful how I positioned my leg otherwise the wound would start to tear and the pain would ratchet up. Thankfully I actually did manage to sleep, but I am pretty out of it today. Still, I felt compelled to write out something for this final day.
The way I’m seeing it, this leg wound is meant to act as something of a reminder regarding what this trip has come to represent for me. Obviously, I tend to view the life process through a thick lens of symbolism, subscribing to the notion that all material experience is rooted in an energetic cause. Through such a lens, the left side of the body represents our feminine side, and our legs are the physical expression of what stabilizes us in and allows us to move through life. Both of those facets of the life experience (the embrace of earthly embodiment and the receptive side of the equation) are elements I’ve struggled to reconcile with internally for quite some time. Elements intimately entwined; effectively the same influence expressed in different ways.
As I’ve mentioned before, I’ve long oriented towards an emphasis on the spiritual and abstract, with a part of that preference coming from a place of wanting to transcend the earthly, human world. As I hope I am managing to make at least somewhat clear throughout this blog project, I no longer believe there is any way to cheat your way out of this place; the task being to actually embrace it (through love and reverence). It’s been a fairly hard road getting to that point, filled with all manner of inner bumps and bruises along the way.
Coming to Costa Rica was, for me, rooted in an intention to further heal and restore my connection to the feminine; to material, human existence. Bring heaven down to earth. Blend Yang with Yin. Lock the upward and downward triangles together. Heal the Saturnian split.
As was previously mentioned, Venus, the planetary archetype of love, beauty and value, has a strong personal affect on me in Costa Rica. Venus also, obviously, is strongly associated with the feminine essence. It’s symbol is the exact same as the one for woman after all. I’ll reiterate that those Venusian qualities are already fairly predominant here, beyond just my own associations. The women are gorgeous and highly feminine, in the pronounced curves of their bodies, the way the decorate themselves and the very essence they radiate. They completely embrace their femininity here. The country itself seems to more easily embrace and appreciate the feminine essence just in general, substantially more than I feel is the case up in the northern and supposedly more educated part of the west.
The absolute abundance of jungle is another expression of Venus’ touch, as she is also the fertile mother of the material form, best expressed through the Empress card in the tarot. Actually, the mother archetype is powerfully present here, flowing through the women very freely, another aspect contrasting the diminishment of the mother in countries heavily intoxicated with toxic feminism. Perhaps that touches in on what the greatest gift this experience has provided me: a contrast and therefore cure of sorts to that feminist poisoning soaked into my own system.
Just to be clear, I don’t outright oppose everything loaded into feminist thought. I’m all for the respect and healthy empowerment of lady folk. As far as I’m concerned, everyone benefits from that. But like Christianity before it, the good ideas have gotten buried under a sludge pile of egoic power lust. Those thought waves are incredibly damaging, and they have certainly taken their toll on me and my relationship to various facets of the feminine essence.
For my own internal restoration and cohesion, this country has offered an energetic influence that has acted as something of a panacea to that poison. I have no intention of digging into the details of what that entails for me specifically, because not everything needs to be shared or worked into words, but I can say that my enjoyment of and appreciation for beauty has very much altered, feeling much cleaner, freer and more respectful. There are so many ways in which female beauty, and beauty in general, are being misused, degraded and diminished, from all sides of the gendered equation. I have certainly drank from those polluted waters. It feels so much better to have restored a more exalted and reverent view of beauty within me, a process I intent to continue enhancing and refining.
Another thing my experience in Costa Rica has stirred within me is a greater sense of just how important relationships are; particularly loving, close relationships. The combination of the blocks in connecting brought up through the language barrier and witnessing the incredibly warm, open, communal nature of the locals worked to emphasize both the need and lack for that within my own life, a feeling it seems so many in the west are struggling with. Again, I believe that Saturnian split is the source of this, the neurotic need to see oneself as superior (fed into by higher levels of supposed education, technological dependency and that constipation within the feminine, ie, the binding waters of connection, care and relationship) and the subsequent shame inducing swing into hedonistic, addictive and even nihilistic indulgence to fill the void of unfulfilled relational requirement.
It’s not to say that Costa Rica is some perfect paradise. It’s certainly got plenty of problems of its own, but that’s just a part of everything here in the earth realm. That’s actually another thing this experience has really emphasized to me: it doesn’t matter where you go, there is no escape from personal and earthly bullshit. I’m very thankful for what this country has offered me, but I don’t consider it necessarily a better place to be than back home in Canada (despite how loaded with bullshit it is as well).
While I’m sure I could easily keep rambling on here, as tends to be my mental nature, I do want to keep this on the shorter side. I’ll finish with a few other quickfire observations. The food isn’t anything special. It’s not awful, but it’s not great. And apparently pesticides and other chemicals are used very heavily here, so the produce isn’t even especially healthy. They really like everything loud. Music, speaking, watching stuff on their phone. Everything seems cranked to the max. I love that every city has a center, complete with a nice church, where everyone likes to hang out. I’d often just chill in these places, reading and watching all the activity. There are dogs everywhere, and many of them love to bark with easy regularity. The cats were more secretive and shy. Stuff isn’t cheap here compared to most other Latin American countries, but the over all standard of living and material wealth seems higher too. Still, there’s plenty of beggars everywhere you go. Sitting on the bus, watching the stunning landscape go by while listening to music made for some really nice moments. A lot of the people will attempt to communicate even if their English isn’t great and despite my lack of Spanish. It’s sweet that they would try, and I appreciate all of those moments of connection, but it could get a little awkward.
All right, I’ll leave it at that. I may do a retrospective follow up a little later, but this will act as the last post written while here. I’ve got a long, early flight lined up tomorrow with a busted up leg, so I’m gonna take it easy the rest of the day. I hope you’re finding some time to do the same.
ACMindworks 
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